it was my darling ella who brought me to finally answer the call of my heart and begin c a b a n e. when i first brought it up to laïla, that i was going to retire my procrastination and just do it, she was a brand new mother to her daughter reya. to my great excitement, she shared my desire and we set sail with a loose and inspired plan! we had no time to waste hesitating as we once might have.
i share this little bit of how we got started, because it speaks to one of the greatest gifts i have received as a mother.
when my daughter came into my life, she quickly impressed on me a sense of immediacy. in her infancy, time was THE consideration. everything needed to be perfectly timed, or else, you risked throwing the whole day (or two!)off.
beyond those initial months, i began to feel time in another way. as i watched her grow, i contemplated my own life and aging. the dreams i had that were left un-pursued. her spark of life and vitality was penetrating though, and like magic, i bypassed a lifetime of doubt and had the resolve to do what I felt was once impossible.
i have thought of just what it is about ella that has been so magnificent to me, and I finally have words for it. my unbounded and unconditional love for her has seeped its way back to me. it is blissful to watch her awaken to the world, and in my observing her, I can't help but feel that same love for myself. because one day, long ago, I was just like her. and now she is here, reconnecting me with my inner child.
i was once told that 'babies bring blessings'. and that they do.